why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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