Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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