True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
