seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
