It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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