I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
