I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
