1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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