I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
