I hate your face
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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