i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
