I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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