he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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