Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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