Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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