i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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