I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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