.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
