census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
