thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We got so high we made milksteak
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize