someone owes me an orgasm
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
