he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize