I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
how drunk are you?
Several
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
