You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
