We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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