Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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