First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
