I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
