this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
