Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
