two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
