Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
