You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
