I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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