Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
