I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
