did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
