Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize