Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
