i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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