i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
