Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
