I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
