seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
