I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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