I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
