im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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