...so i touched it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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