After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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