I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
