Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
