Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
