we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
