They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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