dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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