Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.