He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."