Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

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  (816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c
  Replies (83) Good night (4703) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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  (801): The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance http://tfl.nu/4nxj
  Replies (10) Good night (4545) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on

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  (818): All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on http://tfl.nu/912s
  Replies (10) Good night (3459) Bad night (1462)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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  (864): I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me? http://tfl.nu/6foj
  Replies (4) Good night (4538) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

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  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (8009) Bad night (2093)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

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  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (19) Good night (4330) Bad night (2669)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

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  (954): I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!" http://tfl.nu/pxgz
  Replies (9) Good night (2780) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais

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  (205): decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais http://tfl.nu/hn97
  Replies (9) Good night (2615) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.

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  (918): The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals. http://tfl.nu/o5rq
  Replies (4) Good night (2258) Bad night (1857)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.

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  (601): I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8ven
  Replies (3) Good night (510) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.

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  (305): We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/a50c
  Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?

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  (203): I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex? http://tfl.nu/agnf
  Replies (4) Good night (923) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.

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  (615): my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything. http://tfl.nu/13l7
  Replies (10) Good night (1104) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.

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  (989): Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams. http://tfl.nu/vuk2
  Replies (4) Good night (471) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.

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  (419): Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/v3mc
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (233)

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