Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
