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• (858): View more from California

  Do you think there is vodka in heaven?

  (619): View more from California

  you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"

  Fav 20 4949 1417

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.

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• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

  Fav 20 1082 4154

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (971): View more from Oregon

  Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance

  Fav 2 137 87

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