Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
