It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
