evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
