i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My vagina just clenched in fear
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
