he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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