Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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