They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
