All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
