And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
