Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
